Your spouse feeling extremely ill and hurting, with no rapid relief anywhere in sight? Don’t expect him to act differently than exactly what he is feeling. Physical illness shows itself very plainly in our behavior – take a quick look at a hurting and fussy little baby who feels no qualms at all in expressing just how bad her body feels. Dealing constantly with real pain can make any one of us cranky and hard to be around at times.

So what is the solution when your spouse’s behavior goes beyond simply being irritated? What should you do as his long-suffering partner, when the constant arguments begin to stomp on your last nerve?

Walk away. Don’t attempt to argue your point or reason out the issue with him. Simply realize he feels really lousy and is acting it out. And he is not going to be in the mood to listen to your side of the story, and try to work out a compromise with you. So do both of you a favor, and just walk away. Let a little time away from the situation cool the temperature in the room.

This maneuver can give both of you a chance to realize what is happening – that his ongoing pain is making him feel out of control. Feeling out of control is also known as that horrible emotion of helplessness. And helplessness very often brings on anger. And that kind of anger erupts quickly at the slightest outside provocation. And unfortunately, you can be easily that outside provocation.

If you will learn to walk away from the immediate situation, hopefully there can come a point that he will start to realize why he reacted the way he did. And approach you to resume a more reasonable conversation … usually trying to explain that his behavior is from the frustration with the illness or pain.

Your second job after walking away? Listen to what he is trying to say to you, when he does begin to talk. Not just his words, but the emotions behind it all. Try to understand and sympathize.

Your third job is to realize how badly you would probably be acting if you were to find yourself stuck in his situation.

Remember this. There is absolutely no reason to continue an argument. No use trying. At this point, there is no winning for either of you. Because probably, neither of you is right or wrong. Just misunderstood, and not communicating very well at this stage. Pain inside a home has a way of making the people in that home seem to lose the skill of hearing each other very well.

So, learn to walk away for a few minutes. For your own sake and for your spouse.

— Podcasts are available at Coffeetimecolumn.com. Send any responses to andybowman839@gmail.com.