DEAR ABBY: I have been thinking a lot lately about my first love. The thoughts come and go, which I know is normal. A week or so ago, I stumbled upon her LinkedIn account, saw her profile picture and couldn’t help but reminisce about all the good times we had together 15 years ago. I’m 35 now and have been in a relationship for seven years. She has been married for 10.

I’m not looking to rekindle a relationship. I just feel there was never official closure to our relationship, and I suspect it has always affected my subsequent relationships. I love my girlfriend and feel guilty for feeling this way. I know how it would affect us if I were to bring it up, which is why I’m not sure how to proceed.

Will the feeling pass? Will I always feel this way? Will I always look back at that first love and think she was the one I was meant to be with, and if one thing didn’t go the way it did, would I be? Should I reach out and try to ask for closure? -- REMINISCING IN VIRGINIA

DEAR REMINISCING: I don’t think so. You and this woman have both moved on with your lives. I see nothing positive to be gained by reaching back at this point, particularly since you know it could negatively affect your current relationship. Allow the past to remain in the past and let it go.

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend, “Chad,” and I have been together for 10 years. We have no children together, but we have been stepparents to each other’s children since the beginning of our relationship. Since we have been together, we have had to deal with his relentless ex-wife, who’s had multiple relationships. We’ve also dealt with my ex-husband moving out of the state and away from our daughter.

To say the least, we’ve put ourselves on the back burner dealing with kids and exes. We have also had health problems resulting in surgeries for Chad, my daughter and me. He has asked me to marry him only when he’s coming out of surgery - once as he was coming out of anesthesia in the recovery room and another time just after we got home from another surgery.

Am I wrong for not taking the “post-surgery proposals” seriously? We have recently become grandparents, and I don’t want to hurt him by saying no. I feel like I need a completely lucid proposal. -- WANTS IT FOR REAL IN UTAH

DEAR WANTS IT: You and Chad have 10 years invested in this relationship. If you would like to be married to him, talk with him and ask if he remembers proposing to you, which he has done twice. Tell him you could not in good conscience hold him to a proposal that was made while he was under the influence of anesthesia or pain killers, but you would be open to it if he asked in the sober light of day. Then cross your fingers.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been together for 16 years (eight years married). When we were first married, we had fun. He used to take me out on dates. He knows I enjoy dining and dancing, but it has been years since he invited me out. I have talked to him about this on multiple occasions, and he says he hears me, but we never do anything. I’m tired of repeating my wants and needs to him.

I recently met someone very nice, and I’m attracted to him. He’s attentive and picks up on little things I don’t mention. We’re both married and have no intention of leaving our spouses. We have been talking on the phone only. We have had no physical contact. But when we talk, I experience feelings that make me want to be with him.

I love my husband and our family, but I’m falling for this gentleman. What do I do about my feelings? -- TORN IN NEW YORK

DEAR TORN: The first thing to do would be to end the flirtation with your phone buddy. Then take a long, hard look at what has happened to your relationship with your husband. Tell him you feel the two of you are drifting apart because he no longer gives you the attention he did when you were first married.

Is the problem a lack of initiative on his part? How would he react if you asked him out for a date? Ask if you may have done anything to cause him to lose interest, and if talking about this with a licensed marriage and family therapist would make a positive difference. Marriages wither if no effort is made to nurture them.

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