July 27, 2025

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News
April 3, 2024
Thinking Out Loud

Many people say, “Never say never.” Never is a strong word to be sure, and I am going to use it in this article to emphasize what can be very harmful to someone who is grieving. In the case of anyone who is mourning the death of a loved one--trying to follow any model of grieving--is to ask for additional pain, disappointment and suffering.

Set a Plan of Grieving

Many people say, “Never say never.” Never is a strong word to be sure, and I am going to use it in this article to emphasize what can be very harmful to someone who is grieving. In the case of anyone who is mourning the death of a loved one--trying to follow any model of grieving--is to ask for additional pain, disappointment and suffering.

Why is this so? There isn’t a counselor worth his or her salt who wouldn’t tell you that grieving is an extremely individual affair. We don’t follow theoretical models when we grieve. We grieve (or should) according to our own pace and individual needs.

Yet, many people read an article touting a specific grief model and feel they should be experiencing certain emotions or following a prescribed path. Worse yet, a support person may expect a friend or loved one who is grieving to follow a specific course.

The late psychiatrist, Elizabeth Kubler-Ross, who did so much to help the world understand the terminally ill person, has often been misquoted and misunderstood with her famous stage model of grief for the dying. It is a five-stage affair: denial and isolation, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. It has been adopted by many as a grieving model, since the dying person is grieving his or her death. Note, however, she would be the first to say that not everyone dies (or grieves) according to Kubler-Ross.

Then what are grief models for and how can they help? Models are constructed to help us understand complex human behavior. They are useful in order to become aware of possible responses. They suggest the importance of accepting various emotions and learning to deal with their implications.

Remember, stage models of grieving are never intended, and Kubler-Ross emphasized this, to be predictors of all human behavior when mourning a loved one. Never expect your grief to unfold according to expected stages.

We don’t go one, two, three, four, five, and find ourselves accepting our loss and coming to the end of grief. Some individuals are not in denial, nor do they become angry. Others do, depending on the circumstances of the death. And it is normal and healthy to do so, as these emotions provide an adaptive function. You may or may not get depressed. There is a difference between depression and sadness. The latter is sometimes misinterpreted as depression.

Be assured: There is a wide range of normalcy in the human grief response. See it as a normal part of the mystery of life.

Do not be overly influenced by any model of grief and feel you are not normal. Grief is a natural process; it has its own rhythm. Allow it to come and go and return and repeat itself in various ways. Allow it to move through you. Refuse to attempt to manipulate it. Your big challenge is to let it play out.

The intensity of grief will lessen. No one can tell you exactly when. You will realize when it happens. It is your grief and your loss. You are the expert, and only you know the degree of emotional investment you have in the loved one who died. In the final analysis, your thoughts alone will determine the length and intensity of your grief.

New HPS Board Member Welcomed
A: Main, Lifestyle...
New HPS Board Member Welcomed
July 26, 2025
Willem Vandenborn is welcomed by Henryetta Public Schools Superintendent Jason Price after he was sworn in to fill the Ward 2 seat on the HPS board. The action came during a special meeting Thursday, ...
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Patrons Bank warns community of rising phone scams
A: Main, Lifestyle...
Patrons Bank warns community of rising phone scams
July 25, 2025
Patrons Bank is urging the community to be on high alert as phone scams targeting bank customers continue to rise across the country - and right here at home.Scammers are spoofing legitimate bank phon...
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Christmas in July is today
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Christmas in July is today
July 25, 2025
Downtown Henryetta is set to come alive with holiday spirit and summer sunshine today, as the Henryetta Chamber of Commerce presents its annual “Christmas in July” celebration. The event, scheduled fr...
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Back-to-School excitement builds
July 25, 2025
As summer winds down and the school year quickly approaches, Henryetta Public Schools and Dewar Public Schools are rolling out the red carpet for students and families with a series of exciting back-t...
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Main Street Crossing Temporarily Closed
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Main Street Crossing Temporarily Closed
July 25, 2025
The City of Henryetta has announced that the Main Street railroad crossing is currently closed to all traffic. Residents needing to cross the tracks are encouraged to use the Trudgeon Street crossing ...
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Sales Tax Holiday returns Aug. 1-3
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Sales Tax Holiday returns Aug. 1-3
July 25, 2025
Shoppers across Okmulgee County and throughout the state will soon get a much-needed break on back-to-school expenses, as Oklahoma’s annual Sales Tax Holiday kicks off Friday, Aug. 1, and runs through...
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Editor Picks
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Historical Museum open Saturday
July 25, 2025
The Henryetta Historical Museum continues to welcome guests through its doors this summer with its special every-other-weekend schedule - and this Saturday is no exception. The museum will be open Jul...
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News
OCEM Report
July 25, 2025
This report is a summary of activities Okmulgee County Emergency Management participated in and does not reflect all activities performed by or participated in by Okmulgee County Emergency Management....
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Plans underway for Okmulgee County Fair
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Plans underway for Okmulgee County Fair
July 25, 2025
Planning is in full swing for the much-anticipated 2025 Okmulgee County Fair, with the event officially set to take place Sept. 4-6 at the Okmulgee County Fairgrounds.Members of the Fair Volunteer Com...
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Lions Club celebrates new members, history and upcoming events
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Lions Club celebrates new members, history and upcoming events
July 25, 2025
The Henryetta Lions Club held a lively and productive meeting on Thursday, July 17, at The Shack 2.0, welcoming new members, celebrating local heritage and preparing for several key community events o...
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News
Preston Schools announces Child Nutrition Program
July 25, 2025
Preston Public Schools announced they are participating in free lunch and/or breakfast program for the 2026 school year. All students enrolled in the district or the listed sites may participate in th...
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