What is a Sewer Water Slushee? Put any of your favorite fresh fruits into the blender. Add a bit of vanilla or cinnamon. Then pour in a splash of your favorite milk and some sparkling clean ice cubes. Blend it all together, then pour into a tall glass and sip away. Oh, but before you blend it, be sure to add a tablespoon of sewer water - straight from your local sewer.

Sounds yummy, huh. After all, it does have healthy milk, vitamin-filled fruit, and clean refreshing ice with the faint hint of cinnamon and vanilla in the background. What’s not to love? Nothing, if you can ignore the fact that you are drinking awful-tasting and seriously contaminated sewer water that will definitely cause you to develop serious problems.

Or instead, how about a swigging down a ‘Sickening Suicide Slushee?’ Made with the same selection of fresh fruit, cinnamon, vanilla and ice. But instead of adding milk, just pour in a full cup of thick soupy sewer water before blending it all together and slamming it down in one big gulp. Mmm-mmmmmm, now that’s a meal in itself!

The sippers of the Sewer Water Slushee make fun of the Sickening Suicide Slushee slammers. “You stupid idiots! You are killing yourself, don’t you even care?!” But the Sickening Suicide Slammers glare at the Sewer Water Sippers and angrily yell, “Hey, #*%, back off! It’s my life, and I can drink whatever and whenever I want!”

What am I talking about? The average Sewer Water Slushee recipe contains things like a responsible job, paying the bills and spending time with loved ones. Eating healthy food and trying to get in a little exercise each week. Loving the kids. Maybe even attending a local church on Sunday. Some good healthy ingredients.

But it also has another tiny ingredient. Might be the ‘harmless’ flirtation going on at work. Or the end-of-the-day relaxing time with a favorite hard drink. It could be the recreational drug that brings on a peaceful enjoyment of life. Or having sticky fingers every once in a while. Maybe the little white lie occasionally to keep out of trouble. You name it, a tiny portion of whatever you add is in there.

But the Sickening Suicide Slushee recipe? I don’t even have to describe its major ingredients - you’ve already got the idea.

Here’s my point. Both slushees are able to kill you! And it does not matter whether you sip it slowly or you slam it. They both have contaminated sewer water. And there simply is no avoiding the fact that drinking sewer water is taking in body-murdering bacteria. Either drink is going to harm you and can eventually destroy what you love about living.

Yes, Sewer Water sippers, you can laugh at the Sickening Suicide slammers - while you ignore what’s happening to your own life. But it is still happening. One contented sip at a time.

Send any responses to andybowman839@gmail.com.