We all know how it feels to have done it. We wanted to be brave, but at the last minute we pulled up stakes and ran for the hills. Our self-preservation the only thing on our chicken-liver minds. Then, we spend the rest of our life beating ourself up for not saying or doing what was right. And also trying to outrun that self-defeating feeling inside that somehow, we are ‘less-than.’

Ahhhh, bliss - the life of secret self-humiliation and shame. All because of that never to be forgotten time you didn’t act the way you should.

There is a humongous problem with this - for everyone. And I am not referring to the fact that you may have caused hurt for anyone else involved. Oh yes, you really did make that gigantic mistake, that tragic error in judgement. And it has cost you, and others, way too dearly. Like I said, hurting people was wrong, but that is really not the humongous problem. The probable repeating of your behavior is the real problem now. Bringing on pain again.

Here is why.

There is likely a recording in your head that seems to be on auto-run, the one about shame and guilt, and it is causing you to think endlessly of the past. Therefore being controlled by that past. The Bible says in Proverbs 23:7, “As a man thinketh in his heart, that is how he will behave.” If you keep beating yourself up in your thoughts, never asking God to forgive you and not forgiving yourself, then you are destined to fail again. And again and again.

I didn’t say it. God did. There is another truth you need to realize: The world will keep on turning, regardless of what you did, or did not do. The survival of this world does not rest totally upon your shoulders, you are definitely not that important. So, give yourself a needed break. How do you do this?

If you truly hate what happened, and you despise yourself for your part in it, then ask your God to help you, and start to forgive yourself. Be willing to apologize to those you hurt. Then, you can start over with a clean slate with healthier thoughts about you. Which, according to Proverbs 23:7, will free your heart and mind …and therefore change your behavior in the future.

A new chance at a new tomorrow. One with self-acceptance and peace in it. All you have to do is swallow your pride. Own up to your God that you’ve blown it badly, and that you need His help. And then accept the forgiveness that comes.

You gotta admit, that is truly something to think about doing. A lot better than spending so many nights repeatedly reliving the shame and guilt of that ‘something’ that you did or said. Or chickened out and didn’t do.

Been there. Done that. Much better life.

Send any responses to andybowman839@gmail.com.