Dear Abby

DEAR ABBY: I have a 4-year-old boy and a 2-year-old girl and I'm worried. My husband bullies our son, "Jake." We often go to a park with swingsets near our home. Jake runs to the swings, gets on, and then my husband pushes it so hard, Jake screams in fear. People sitting on the benches stop talking and turn toward us. If I do what I can to stop this, my husband pushes me. I see him giggling low and his eyes flash with his head bent slightly down.

My husband is not a young father. I'm worried he will continue to bully Jake in other ways as he grows. My husband is a small man with feminine features and a shy demeanor. He has told me how some of his older brothers bullied him, and how girls in the neighborhood called him derogatory names.

I suspect he bullies our son to get even with what happened to him back then. Knowing him, I don't think counseling will be an option. I feel I must either live with him at my son's expense, or leave. Do you have any advice for me?

-- ANONYMOUS IN THE U.S.

DEAR ANONYMOUS: Talk to your husband and tell him his behavior is hurting the boy and it must stop. Does the bullying only occur in the park? If so, avoid going to the park with Daddy.

I'm concerned about your statement that he "pushes" you if you try to intervene. If you mean it literally, that is spousal abuse. Deliberately frightening a child is also abuse, which may indeed escalate as the boy grows older. Some sessions with a licensed psychotherapist could be helpful for you in determining what your next steps should be. Divorce may be the surest way to protect both of your children.

Mother-in-law takes

in cats after mom’s

death

DEAR ABBY: My mom passed away unexpectedly, leaving behind two cats. My mother-in-law graciously took them in temporarily, which included shouldering the financial burden of a few vet visits.

After everything quieted, we asked her if she would be willing to keep the cats indefinitely because we rent, and re-homing them wasn't an option in our area. She agreed, but said when we want to take them, we can. We offered to compensate her for the vet bills, but she refused. Our relationship has always been strained, but, in that moment, she was very kind and generous.

Now, a year later, the cats have been renamed and are well cared for beyond what we could have ever given them. I, however, feel guilty. My husband and I don't want the cats. We will be buying a home soon, and our daughter is hoping to adopt a dog.

I do not want to take on a new obligation if I already have one to my mother-in-law. Those cats are my mom's final unfinished business, and I want to do right by them. How can I do right by my mother-in-law as well?

-- NOT A CAT PERSON

DEAR NOT A CAT PERSON: The cats have acclimated well to living with your mother-in-law -- and it is entirely possible that she has grown to love them in the year they have been with her.

If she is aware that you will be buying a home, she should be told that your daughter has her heart set on having a dog. Because three animals would be too much for you, ask if she would mind keeping the kitties after you move. She may surprise you and say she doesn't mind at all.

(From where I sit, she sounds like a doll, so regard her generosity as a chance to mend fences and express your gratitude equally generously.)

Ex’s continued

harassment mars

wife’s happy divorce

DEAR ABBY: I am happily divorced after nearly 20 years of marriage to a narcissist. My ex cheated throughout our marriage, lied repeatedly and was abusive. He left me for another woman.

I realize now that he did me a favor by leaving. When he left, I didn't correct any of the lies he told his family, girlfriends, friends and acquaintances because I just wanted him out of my life. My issue is, he is still lying to everyone about how our marriage ended.

He rarely visits our son, and he complains about having to pay child support and alimony. I have asked him to leave me alone and not speak to me unless it's about our son, but he won't. I have warned him if he doesn't stop bothering me I'm going to tell his girlfriend, family and friends the truth about everything. Should I tell them or just let it go?

-- BURDENED BY HIM

IN FLORIDA

DEAR BURDENED: I think you should finally tell the whole truth to whoever will listen, which is what you should have done in the first place. If you have proof, reveal it. Because you waited, you may be less credible than you would have been then, so be prepared.

You should also talk with a lawyer about the fact that your ex won't leave you alone and keeps bothering you, because it could be considered malicious mischief or harassment, and there are laws against it.

Husband keeps

close tabs on wife

following overdose

DEAR ABBY: My 47-year-old daughter is an alcoholic. A year ago, she took several benzodiazepine pills along with the booze and overdosed. My son-in-law found her in time and called 911. She spent five days in a psych hospital to detox, but never went to any follow-up rehab. I had been led to believe she was sober, but recently found out it was not true, and my son-in-law for some reason decided not to tell me.

The other issue is, since she OD'd, he keeps track of all her online spending and personal emails (he has all her passwords) because he claims it's the only way he can keep tabs on her to find out how much she's drinking and where she goes to do it. She doesn't know he's doing this, and I'm afraid if she finds out she will go ballistic. I don't know whether or not to tell her, because I don't want to do anything to make things even worse between them. Advice?

-- FEARFUL IN FLORIDA

DEAR FEARFUL: I see nothing to be gained by telling your daughter her husband is watching her closely. She is a woman with very serious problems, and it's a shame she didn't follow through with more rehab after what may have been a suicide attempt.

Your son-in-law cares about his wife. When he realized she had overdosed, he called to get help for her. That he's monitoring her closely is not a bad thing; it means he loves her and wants to avoid a repeat of what happened.

Ask him what you can do to support your daughter, if anything, and take your cue from there.