Maybe it truly has been horrible all this time, maybe God did pick you out of all humanity to suffer badly your entire life. Maybe, just maybe, you were selected to show the world how a life of pure misery looks. No way out, impossible to change your destiny. You are designated to be the poster child for ‘Life Without Hope or Happiness.’

But maybe, there is hope for you. Perhaps what you really need is a change of attitude, or a change of career, maybe move away for a whole relocation to start over in life. Because there is the real possibility that you have gotten stuck in a rut. Mentally and emotionally. And you can’t see any exit, because when you do try to make it better, all you can see is the sides of that deep hole where you live. No sun shines a light on any stairs to leave that deep blackness.

But before you decide that this writer just might be right, and you pack your bags and hit the road for greener pastures, I suggest you back off and take a good, clear, candid look at your current life.

But please realize one thing. For this honest look, you are most likely going to need another set of clear eyes, paired with a mouth that isn’t afraid to tell you the truth. A counselor, or your doctor, or a pastor or close friend – someone who loves you enough to give you unvarnished honesty about your lifestyle, your personal choices, your aversion to hard work or possibly your fear of commitment.

Spend some time telling your heartbreaking story to this clear-eyed-honest-to-a-fault mouthy friend. Don’t hide anything, let them see your life as you see it. Then do yourself a favor. Give them total permission to talk openly and honestly to you. And listen.

Maybe they can help you realize that it wasn’t all bad … a lot of ups and downs. And that right now, you are in a down cycle. But according to your life pattern, things will improve, given some time.

Or, they may tell you that you do need a real change. Maybe you are in a career you have detested for a long time. Maybe you live in the hot, humid South and it is sucking the life out of your cold-weather-loving soul and body. Or maybe they help you realize that staying in that sinful relationship is hurting you and you need to walk away.

Or they just might tell you that your attitude stinks. They might tell you that you are deliberately thinking negatively. About everything. And it’s time to change.

Let them be mouthy and give them permission to talk honestly and openly to you. It has advantages for both of you.

The important lesson is to not give up. Either take hope that things usually improve, or realize you need to change some things. And then do one of two things. Thank God that eventually things will be different. Or do some changing.

— Podcasts are available at Coffeetimecolumn.com. Send any responses to andybowman839@gmail.com.