Watched a movie last night with my husband. The genre; Western movie. The setting; end of the Civil War. The plot; wife and husband at odds. Both working at destroying what was once a vibrant marriage.

She was living in her painful memories of helplessly watching her baby child die, while her husband was away fighting in the Civil War. He was living in his own internal rage and pain of the memories of that war. Of being unable to stop his men from brutally slaughtering a troop of unarmed men in completely one-sided battle.

Both living in unspoken, vivid agonizing memories that colored their personalities, and were destroying their marriage. Until one desperate day they began to talk. Really talk. Telling each other what was eating them alive inside.

Finally came his words, “So, what do we do now?” Her slow and thoughtful answer, “Let little Mary sleep, and let the war die. And let the past bury the past.”

Let the past bury the past, so that they could live in the present. And truly have a future, not tainted by their anger and pain. Very wise words written by that movie script writer.

I am totally convinced that so many dead marriages could have lived, if a husband and wife would have realized the beauty and wisdom in that phrase.

It’s called forgiveness. Of self. Her. Him. God. Doesn’t matter where anger is directed, it destroys relationships. And true forgiveness is always the answer. Yes, it does help to feel that forgiveness more easily if there is an honest and open conversation. One that hopefully allows both people to realize why the other person is acting like an idiot. But that conversation doesn’t have to happen for you to find peace within you. Just realizing that you are slowly killing yourself from inside and choosing to stop that internal slaughter is enough to make a personal choice.

A choice to stop. Refuse to hold on to your grudge. Stop nursing that black memory over and over again, which has fattened itself to the point of nearly consuming your world.

Even if the person who caused you to have that awful memory never works everything out with you, you can. You can work it out for yourself. And find that you have a future that doesn’t look quite so bleak.

It all hinges on you realizing you need to forgive. And then doing it. As many times as you need when that pain resurfaces. Much like pulling a tissue out of the box, one by one by one. Until finally in mild surprise you find there are no more tissues left in that box.

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