Suffering is an innate part of life. Yes, I know none of us like to admit this universal truth. Nonetheless, history and the most learned scholars make it abundantly clear that legitimate suffering finds its way into every life, and we can’t prevent it from playing its role. There will always be aging, death and other great changes. On the other hand, unnecessary or self-imposed suffering abounds. In the past thirty years, I have witness it take over the grief process and cause untold damage in the lives of many of the bereaved. What is the difference between necessary and unnecessary suffering and what can we do with this knowledge?